Squiz Today – Friday, 21 September

SQUIZ SAYINGS

"The spiders will have their party and will soon die."

Spiders are leaving 300 metre-long webs in Greece in a kind of living wake. Our party invitation RSVP reads 'declined'…

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GOVERNMENT SHOWS PRIVATE SCHOOLS THE MONEY

THE SQUIZ
You hear that? It’s the sound of Catholic and independent schools all over the country throwing a party after PM Scott Morrison and Education Minister Dan Tehan yesterday announced an additional $4.5 billion in funding over the next decade. The move had been anticipated to ensure the private school sector didn't rail against the government in an election year.

BACK IT UP A BIT…
In three parts:

• In May last year, Team Turnbull announced a new “needs-based funding model” to distribute funds across public and private schools. And the federal government was going to kick in an additional $18.6 billion over 10 years, taking their funding to $30.6 billion in 2027. This became known as Gonski 2.0.

• The private schools said the changes meant they would not get the same funding increases they had received under the old system. Along the way, the package was upped to a $23.5 billion increase. But still, the private schools weren't happy.

• Fast forward to the here and now and lo and behold, the Morrison Government has found some more cash. It’s also rejigged the funding model, so instead of relying on census data to determine each school’s funding, the government will assess parents’ tax data to determine financial need. That means many private schools whose students are from less affluent families (which the Catholic sector says is their student base) will receive more government funding.

WHAT’S ARE THE LESSONS?
1. To the incumbent, the glory. The whole thing was a barnacle that former PM Malcolm Turnbull didn’t get around to scraping off his leaky boat. While a lot of work had been done on the plan before his time, PM Scott Morrison gets to take the credit.

2. Squeaky wheels get oiled. The Catholic and independent school sector made their case and are an adversary the Coalition Government could not have heading into an election.

3. Labor campaigns hard on education. "The Prime Minister has turned his back on the 2.5 million children that go to public schools around Australia,” said education spokeswoman Tanya Plibersek. Meaning it's unlikely we’ve heard the last of it.

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SQUI

SHARK ATTACKS IN IDYLLIC WHITSUNDAYS
They say lightning doesn't strike twice, but that doesn't seem to apply to sharks… Cid Harbour in the Whitsundays of Queensland has seen two shark attacks in a 24 hour period. A 12yo girl was bitten on the leg yesterday and is in a serious condition in Mackay Base Hospital. That’s also where Justine Barwick ended up after being mauled on the leg by a shark on Wednesday. Both attacks occurred at Sawmill Bay near Airlie Beach. Authorities are patrolling the area to stop people from swimming.

BRAZILIAN BOYFRIEND CONFESSES TO HADDAD MURDER
Marcelo Santoro strangled Sydney-based Brazilian businesswoman Cecilia Haddad before he put her body in the Lane Cove River. That’s what a Brazilian court heard yesterday when a senior detective relayed what Santoro told him in an “informal” interview. Santoro is also accused of using Haddad's finger to unlock her phone so he could send text messages to her best mate and mother after her death. The testimony is part of a pre-trial hearing before the murder trial proper to be held in Rio.

And while we have you… A South Australian cold case is on its way to being solved with yesterday's discovery of the remains of Colleen Adams. The mother had been missing since 1973. Husband Geoffrey Adams was arrested this week for her murder.

STICKERS TO SUCCESS
Novelty stationery retailer Smiggle is upping its ambition for world domination, aiming to increase its sales by 50% over the next couple of years. With stores in Oz, Europe and Asia, parent company Premier Investments yesterday announced sales increased by almost 23% to $293 million last financial year. That’s a lot of erasers shaped like unicorns. If you’re of a certain age and struggling to comprehend Smiggle’s popularity, just think back and reminisce about Granny May’s…

A TRIO OF SURPRISING STATS
BUMPER SNOW SEASON – Cocaine production in Colombia was up 31% last year hitting record levels according to the United Nations. No wonder they called in Cassie to help shift some of it…

HELLO WHAT DO YOU WANT? – US telco analysts predict nearly half of all mobile phone calls in the States next year will be from scammers. Which, after three marketing calls yesterday, has reminded us to get on the Do Not Call Register.

MARRIED MEN EARN MORE – In America they do anyway. Research by the Federal Reserve Bank of St Louis shows the incomes of single men + women, and married women are markedly lower than married blokes. Look - there’s a graph and everything.

SPORTS BROADCASTING MOVING WITH THE TIMES
The boss of Foxtel, Patrick Delany, said yesterday that the pay-TV broadcaster is looking to become the "Netflix of sport" as a way to get value out of the millions it spends on broadcasting rights to sports like the AFL. That seems to indicate more streaming on demand and giving mobile viewers more options to access their content. Foxtel's revenue is under pressure from subscribers bailing to the streaming platforms.

And speaking of sport… How about those footy finals? Your guide to this weekend’s games is here. Arm yourself to ace any weekend chit-chat.

FRIDAY LITES – THREE THINGS WE LIKED THIS WEEK
There’s nothing like a bit of introspection to aid procrastination. We wasted some quality time this week on a new personality test (it's a long one – the background is here, and the test is here) and the ABC’s cynicism test (guilty as charged).

Drag queens posing with… themselves. Wow.

The PM has asked us to make something using strawberries this weekend, so we’re on it. As is Good Food. Strawberry tiramisu, anyone?

And some good news from us. Last night we received a Highly Commended mention for Newsletter of the Year at the Mumbrella Publish Awards. So we're going all out with a $15 bottle of wine for Friday night drinks. Go you good thing...

SQUIZ THE DAY

Friday
7.50pm (AEST) - AFL -  Richmond Tigers v Collingwood Magpies - Melbourne

7.40pm (AEST) - NRL - Melbourne Storm v Cronulla Sharks - Melbourne

World Alzheimer's Day

International Day of Peace

National Days for Armenia, Belize and Malta

Saturday
3.20pm (AEST) - AFL - West Coast Eagles v Melbourne Demons - Perth

7.40pm (AEST) - NRL - South Sydney Rabbitohs v Sydney Roosters - Sydney

Start of Oktoberfest (on until 7 October)

World Rhino Day

Sunday
1.00pm (AEST)- Netball -  Aussie Diamonds V New Zealand Silver Ferns (Quad Series)

Maldives presidential election

Start of Veterans' Health Week

International Day of Sign Languages

Saudi Arabia National Day