Squiz Today – Tuesday, 7 November

SQUIZ SAYINGS

"It's such a head game. Roller derby has been described as playing chess while having bricks thrown at you.”

Said roller derby champ Scarlet Love (who's known in the sport as ‘Bicepsual’). And our women are officially the best in the world with the Victoria Roller Derby League All Stars defeating Portland's Rose City Rollers yesterday. It’s the first time a team from outside the US has won the world title. Yee-haw!

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TURNBULL FINALLY MOVES ON CITIZENSHIP CLUSTER-DISASTER

THE SQUIZ
With the dual citizenship saga showing no signs of abating, PM Malcolm Turnbull finally moved yesterday to rein the disaster in. Fresh from a Cabinet meeting, he announced a process where MPs' details will be recorded in the ‘Register of Members’ Interests’ with:

• All MPs to provide a statement declaring they were not a dual citizen at the time they nominated for election and they'll hand over documents showing any foreign citizenship claim has been rescinded.

• Details on their country of birth. They’ll also have to disclose the country of birth and citizenship of their parents.

• Current MPs would have 21 days to log this information after the proposal passes Parliament.

Just don’t call it an audit…

IS THAT GOING TO SORT THINGS OUT?
TBD. The key question that has been raised is what happens if someone is wrong, or worse, lies in their declaration. But Labor Leader Bill Shorten claimed the win after last week suggesting a ‘universal declaration’ process be adopted. He’s meeting with Turnbull on Wednesday to talk through the details.

WHAT ELSE IS HAPPENING?
There’s another Liberal under a cloud. This time it’s former tennis guy John Alexander who's making urgent enquiries with the Brits about whether he's a citizen by descent. Oops. And electoral authorities have named those who will replace the four senators knocked out by the High Court recently. They are Andrew Bartlett (the former-Democrats-leader-turned-Green who will replace Larissa Waters); Jordon Steele-John (23yo Green and disabilities advocate who will replace Scott Ludlam); Fraser Anning (taking One Nation's Malcolm Roberts’ spot); and Hollie Hughes (the Lib who replaced Nat Fiona Nash). Nick Xenophon got to choose his replacement because he was cleared by the High Court – and he’s picked staffer Rex Patrick. Giddy up!

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PUTTING WOMEN IN FOCUS

PRESENTED BY COMMONWEALTH BANK

Advancing the growth of women in business – yes please! The Commonwealth Bank’s Women in Focus initiative is free to everyone to join. There's some seriously impressive people involved and they’re there to help you with your career goals. And they can help you connect with customers, advisers and other women who are trying to make their way in business.

Check out Women In Focus here.

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SQUIZ THE REST

TEXAS CHURCH MASSACRE CLAIMS AT LEAST 26 LIVES
Suspected gunman Devin Kelley was found dead in his car yesterday following the attack on the First Baptist church in the small town of Sutherland Springs, Texas. Witnesses say Kelley fired several shots outside before entering the church. He then walked to the front of the congregation, turned around and opened fire on his way out the front door. Twenty-three died inside, two were found dead outside, and one died on the way to hospital. It was the deadliest mass-shooting in Texan history. The victims’ ages range from 1 to 72yo and include three generations of one family. Reports say Kelley was angry with his in-laws and it’s understood they attended church there, although not at the time of the shooting. US President Donald Trump said the incident “isn’t a guns situation”. “This was a deranged individual. We have a lot of mental health problems in our country,” he said.

TRUMP MIGHT GET CHATTY WITH NORTH KOREA
It was only a matter of time before President Trump’s Asia trip started to focus on North Korea. Yesterday he said he’d be happy to sit down with leader Kim Jong Un to discuss the crisis, but it was probably "far too early". It's a change in tack from a few weeks ago when Trump had a go at his Secretary of State Rex Tillerson for advocating talks. Trump has also advocated for Japan buying US-made military hardware to intercept any North Korean missile, not just the ones at risk of striking Japan. It's going to be a hot topic at the APEC meeting in Vietnam later this week.

PARADISE LOST – NEW LEAK SHINES A LIGHT ON TAX AVOIDANCE
What do The Queen, Facebook, Michael Hutchence, Nike and well-connected business and political advisers across the world have in common? They’re caught up in the Paradise Papers – the latest leak of 13.4 million files showing how offshore tax havens are used to minimise tax. The documents were obtained by German newspaper Süddeutsche Zeitung (who also got the Panama Papers last year) and were shared with 96 other media outlets via the International Consortium of Investigative Journalists. ABC TV’s Four Corners last night took a particular interest in the documents relating to miner Glencore and Hutchence’s estate. More broadly, the Tax Office said they can’t wait to get their hands on the docs.

IT’S BEGINNING TO COST A LOT LIKE CHRISTMAS…
You know it’s getting close to Christmas when these two stories pop up:

1. Petrol prices are going up. There’s a reduction in production meaning oil prices are heading for a spike during the festive season.

2. Oyster prices are going up. Pacific oysters have had a bad time of it of late, driving up demand, and thus hitting supply, for Sydney rock oysters.

Pity you can't stockpile either item. Next story for your diary – Boxing Day’s hot cross bun scandal.

REALLY BAD LANGUAGE NOT A REASON TO SACK WORKER
Good news for the really offensive among us – the Australian Financial Review reports the Fair Work Commission yesterday found that the use of this unsavoury expression (extreme language alert) was neither in breach of miner South32’s bullying and harassment policies nor a reason to sack the offending worker. In a decision that is said to have shocked lawyers, Commissioner Bernie Riordan said those involved "work in a coalmine – not a convent" and that inappropriate language was commonplace. "It seems completely out of step with other decisions and with behaviour expected in modern workplaces," said Industrial relations barrister Stuart Wood.

MELBOURNE CUP – YOUR GUESS AS GOOD AS OURS
The Melbourne Cup – the day many of us pretend we know something about horse racing and try to remember how to fill out a betting slip. Some key things to consider:

• Marmelo is the favourite, closely followed by Humidor and last year’s winner Almandin.

• On an analysis of previous winners based on horse age, jockey weight, barrier draw etc, Johannes Vermeer is your pick. Besides, the nag is classy what with being named after the Dutch master who painted Girl with a Pearl Earring and all…

• Single Gaze – one of the few Aussie runners today, and with Kathy O’Hara on board we’re tempted to put $5 on the nose. Which means almost certain defeat...

Click here to download The Age’s guide for your office sweep. And if you’re out amongst the action, keep it nice. And don’t try to ride home.

SQUIZ THE DAY

Public Holiday - Victoria

3.00pm (AEDT) - The Race The Stops The Nation

4.30pm (AEDT) - Same-sex marriage postal survey return deadline (click here for drop-off locations)

100th Anniversary of the Russia's Bolshevik Revolution

Reminder: you can win a $100 voucher from Country Road if you open the email every day this week. Because as Tim Fargo said; “Who you are tomorrow begins with what you do today.”