Squiz Today – Friday, 24 August

SQUIZ SAYINGS

“It is heartening and reassuring to see that families, communities and the entire nation are working together and supporting each other at this time of need.”

The Queen is thinking of us. She says we are in her thoughts, and she is deeply saddened. What a thoughtful sovereign. (We should probably clarify she’s talking about the drought, not the carry on in Canberra…)

---

GOODNESS GRACIOUS, WHAT HAVE THEY DONE?

THE SQUIZ
Our nation’s parliament has seen some wacky scenes in its time. But yesterday will go down as one of the weirdest and wildest days ever. Like Monty Python’s Black Knight, PM Malcolm Turnbull shrugged off his ‘flesh wounds’ (ie losing a lot of his ministers, party support and authority) and dug in. He says if there’s a leadership spill today he will stand down as PM and leave the parliament entirely. Meanwhile, three candidates – Peter Dutton, Scott Morrison and Julie Bishop – are expected to run for the top job and are hustling for support from their colleagues. All of which means we’re likely to have a new PM today.

SO WHEN YOU SAY WEIRD AND WILD…
Some high/lowlights include:

• Turnbull will get legal advice this morning about whether Dutton is eligible to be in the parliament at all. Turnbull’s critics say he’s making more of this than is necessary. But Turnbull says it’s right to check if a potential PM is good to go.

• You might have heard something about a petition? It’s a thing. To hold an unscheduled meeting of Liberal party members, the majority has to sign a letter to force it if the PM won’t facilitate one. At the close of business hours yesterday, that hadn’t happened. If it is presented this morning (which is likely), Turnbull said he would call a meeting for noon today. What's that about? Turnbull doesn’t want to give a free kick to those who want him out of his job.

• The House of Representatives was shut down five hours early yesterday. Labor went crazy. It followed the resignation of 13 of Turnbull’s ministers, including guiding light Senator Mathias Cormann.

• Former PM John Howard was caught (tracksuit and all) on his morning walk yesterday and reminded the team where their focus should be – on the Labor Party.

• And spare a thought for @peterdutton5. "I wish the people of Australia would look at my profile and realise I'm a 30 yr old black man before sending me tweets and DMs,” he tweeted.

AND WHO ARE THESE CATS WHO MIGHT BECOME PM?
Peter Dutton – former Queensland copper; defeated Cheryl Kernot to become an MP; conservative; errant text messenger; potentially the first PM to be born in the 70s.

Scott Morrison – former Liberal Party apparatchik; former Tourism Australia head; Cronulla Sharks supporter; former child actor; Tina Arena fanatic

Julie Bishop – long-serving deputy Liberal leader (since 2007); lawyer and former Clayton Utz partner; Oz’s first female foreign minister; keen runner; fine jewellery admirer

Today's likely winner? Bill Shorten and the Labor Party…

---

SQUIZ THE REST

HAWAII ON ALERT
A category 4 (read big) hurricane is hurtling towards the US holiday haven. Expected to hit today, preparations to deal with extreme flooding are being made. Locals and visitors have been buying up water and food to get ready for the possibility they’ll need two weeks worth of supplies. The Big Island, already ravaged by the ongoing Kilauea volcano eruption, is expected to cop the worst of it. US Navy ships docked in Pearl Harbor have moved out to sea to avoid the worst of it. Hurricane Lane, if it does what is expected to do, will be the first to hit the islands since 1992.

MY ENEMY’S ENEMY IS MY FRIEND?
There’s been a push in recent months for a negotiated peace between the government and the Taliban in Afghanistan after 18 years of fighting. The US had been in talks with the insurgents for a while - and then Russia entered. It wants to hold a meeting including the Afghan government, the Taliban and the US on 4 September. The Afghans and the US have said no, but the Taliban yesterday said yes. How’s that going to work? Dunno, said pundits. But there’s lots of curiosity about Russia’s interest in this given it went up against mujahedeen fighters (many of whom joined the Taliban) for 10 years through the 80s.

NO THANKS, HUAWEI
Chinese telco companies Huawei and ZTE have been blocked from taking part in the upcoming 5G mobile network rollout. Worried about data and network security, a couple of government ministers (although we’re not 100% sure if they’re still ministers…) yesterday said that their involvement would be too risky. Chinese media said Aussies would now face higher costs. And Huawei said it was disappointed and has "safely and securely" delivered wireless tech in Oz for 15 years. The share prices of some Aussie companies doing business in China dropped yesterday over fears of retaliation from the Chinese.

SONIC DROUGHT
Volkswagen has been accused of altering the weather in Mexico. No, we haven't lost it – true story, promise. The car manufacturer has been accused of leaving local farmers high and dry by using cannons to shoot sonic booms into the air to prevent hail around its Puebla factory. That's damaged local crops, locals say. One expert says the practice wouldn't stop it from raining. The things you learn…

ARETHA LEFT NO WILL
What is it with these hugely successful artists that don't leave instructions on how their affairs are to be handled after they're gone? Prince died in 2016 without a will leaving relatives to sort it out. Now court documents have revealed that Aretha Franklin's four sons have had to register their interest in her estate estimated to be worth US$80 million. “I was after her for a number of years to do a trust,” said her lawyer. Too late...

FRIDAY LITES – THREE THINGS WE LIKED THIS WEEK
The New York Times’ wedding section is always a source of interest. But this story about a woman’s fight to walk down the aisle and the man who didn’t walk away despite dark times is a life-affirming read.

Confession time: we need an underwear overhaul. It's a throw-it-all-out-and-start-again situation. The Strategist’s Underwear Week arrived just in time.

We had forgotten about hedgehog meatballs until we saw this recipe. Talk about a blast from the past… And who doesn’t need some comfort after the chaos of the week?

SQUIZ THE DAY

Friday
TBC 12.00pm (AEST) – Liberal Party Meeting to determine who is our prime minister

Company Earnings Announcements – Brambles; Mayne Pharma; Star Entertainment

Daffodil Day to benefit the Cancer Council

Ukraine National Day

Anniversary of Amelia Earhart became the first woman to fly nonstop across the United States (1932)

Saturday
5.35pm (AEST) – Bledisloe Cup Rugby – Wallabies v All Blacks - Auckland

Uruguay Independence Day

Billy Ray Cyrus’ birthday (1961)

Anniversary of the liberation of Paris by Allied forces after four years of Nazi occupation (1944)

Sunday
1.00pm (AEST) – Suncorp Super Netball Grand Final - Sunshine Coast Lightning v West Coast Fever - Perth

US Women’s Equality Day