Squiz Today – 12 February 2024

The Squiz

After weeks of will-she-make-it speculation (breathe, she arrived yesterday), analysis of American football’s ‘Swift Lift’, and even a life-size cake of Taylor Swift in a Chiefs sweater, the 58th Super Bowl – aka American football’s grand final – is finally upon us. The game will see the defending champions, the Kansas City Chiefs, take on the San Francisco 49ers in Las Vegas. R&B star Usher will be performing during the iconic halftime show, but the real stars will be the pop music sensation and her beau, Chiefs tight-end (yes, that really is his position) Travis Kelce.

Why is this such a big deal?

Dubbed ‘the greatest show on turf’, the Super Bowl is the National Football League season final, where the top 2 of 32 teams – some worth US$5 billion or more – compete for the title. And it’s not just bragging rights on offer… Members of the winning team take home a bonus of US$164,000 – on top of their already huge salaries – and a seriously blinged-out ring. It’s a really big deal for American football fans who have forked out an average of US$10,000 for a ticket. Over 100 million more Americans – about a 3rd of the US population – will also be watching at home, plus millions overseas. But the real winner is CBS/Paramount, which has the broadcast rights… It will rake in nearly $1 billion from Super Bowl ads, each costing US$7 million for 30 seconds, as the world’s largest companies try to outdo each other with (hopefully) viral celebrity cameos. 

Who’s going to win the game?

The Chiefs are the reigning champs and have the highly-rated quarterback Patrick Mahomes, who’s played in 4 of the last 5 Super Bowls. It will mark Kansas City’s 3rd title in 5 years if they emerge victorious today. However, even though the 49ers haven’t won a Super Bowl since 1994, bookies have them as favourites to win. But with Swift set to be in the crowd for a 13th time this season – and after her Grammys triumph last week – Kelce says he wants to bring home a trophy of his own so he won’t be an Anti-Hero. You can check out all the action from 10:30am AEDT on Seven. And if that hasn’t enticed you, there’s always the Puppy Bowl…

Israel eyes off Rafah

Israeli PM Benjamin Netanyahu says his troops will launch a ground assault on Rafah, the southern Gazan city where more than half of the territory’s 2.3 million people are taking shelter. He says it’s required to “get the remaining Hamas terrorist battalions”, but reports say locals are panicked, and world leaders say Palestinians “cannot disappear into thin air”. Egypt, which borders Rafah, also warned that the Egypt-Israel peace treaty could be suspended if Israel’s army enters the area or forces Palestinians into their territory. The US also warned of a pending “disaster”, but President Joe Biden has his own problems at home… In an investigation that cleared him for keeping classified documents, the US Justice Department concluded that Biden has a “significantly limited” memory. Biden hit back, but the focus on his mental capacity is not good for his reelection campaign…

Everyone’s a winner in Pakistan

Who says Pakistan can’t have 2 prime ministers? We talked about this election last week, and the results came in yesterday. Defying expectations, candidates linked to former PM Imran Khan’s PTI (Justice for Pakistan) party won the most seats with 93 – but not a majority. Still, Khan has declared victory via an AI-generated video (which is an option when you’ve won an election from prison, we guess…). Also claiming the win with 75 seats was the pre-election favourite Nawaz Sharif, who wants a fourth crack at being PM. Sharif’s Pakistan Muslim League (PMLN) party reckons it can get more support than PTI by forming a coalition government with other smaller parties. Whatever happens from now, Pakistan’s powerful military has called for restraint, saying “maturity and unity” are needed as the country figures out what’s next.

Barnaby’s spill (and it’s not leadership-related…)

Former Deputy PM Barnaby Joyce says it’s “very embarrassing”, and until yesterday, other pollies were saying it was a matter for him and they hoped he was ok. We’re talking about the video that surfaced on Friday of Joyce lying on a footpath in Canberra after falling off a planter box on Wednesday night. For his part, Joyce has told his colleagues that a mix of medication and alcohol was behind the tumble. On Friday, PM Anthony Albanese wasn’t biting when asked to comment, but yesterday, he changed tack, saying people would “look for an explanation that has some credibility“. The House of Reps is back in session today, but reports say Joyce won’t be around for the Nationals’ regular meeting this morning. The question for Nationals leader David Littleproud is whether Joyce is ok to keep his frontbench role as Veterans’ Affairs spokesman.

Rooting for a royal recovery

King Charles has spoken publicly for the first time since his cancer diagnosis, offering his “most heartfelt thanks” to those who have offered their support, which has brought him the “greatest comfort and encouragement”. The 75yo penned the letter of gratitude at his home in Sandringham, where he is recovering between trips to London for weekly meetings with PM Rishi Sunak and ongoing treatment for an unspecified illness. His diagnosis has encouraged others to check their health, with the UK’s National Health Service reporting a 51% jump in people searching for symptoms of cancer. As for Prince Harry’s big week – it got a bit bigger after agreeing to a $1 million settlement for his lawsuit against Mirror Group Newspapers over the weekend. Last year, London’s High Court ruled that he had been a victim of unlawful phone hacking.

Bouncing off to the Olympics

We previewed this on Friday, and yay – the Aussie women’s basketball team has qualified for the Paris Olympics. The Opals 85-52 drubbing of Germany put them into their 10th Olympics, meaning the pressure is off today’s game against Serbia. Opals captain Tess Madgen scored 15 points, while older stateswoman Lauren Jackson netted 9 points. But after the game, Jackson announced her retirement from international basketball (again…), saying that helping the Opals to Paris was as far as she’d go. The GOAT won 3 silver Olympic medals with the Opals in 2000, 2004, and 2008 and one bronze in 2012 – and going to her fifth Olympics would have been great, but it’s not to be. Coach Sandy Brondello says she’s happy to have the qualification behind her, and “now we need to put our eyes toward Paris.”

Those who want to believe in aliens were hopeful when Hawaiians witnessed a fireball blazing across the night sky… Experts say the unknown object was likely a Chinese satellite burning up upon re-entry into the Earth’s atmosphere – phew…

Examining their bald patches and eating collagen powders are scintillating over-shares from an increasing number of celebrities. However, PR experts say they should think twice before discussing their daily routines as they can come off “a bit strange”…

There have been some spectacular scenes worldwide as the Lunar New Year celebrations kicked off on Saturday. If you still haven’t welcomed the year of the dragon, you’ve got time as the festivities continue until 25 February.

​​7.00am (AEDT) – Women’s Basketball Olympic Qualifier – Australia v Serbia – Brazil 

11.00pm (AEDT) – Men’s Hockey FIH Pro League – Australia v Spain – India

Federal Parliament is sitting – House only – Canberra

Company results – JB Hi-Fi 

2024 World Surfing League Championship Tour begins (on until 23 Feb) – Hawaii 

Darwin Day

National Apprenticeship Week

International Epilepsy Day

The birthdays of Abraham Lincoln and Charles Darwin (1809)

Anniversary of:

• US President Bill Clinton’s acquittal by the Senate in his impeachment trial (1999)

• the start of the trial of former Yugoslav President Slobodan Milošević at the UN war crimes tribunal in The Hague. He died before its conclusion (2002)